Motherhood, May, and Mary

No matter what comes along next, remember you are and always will be a mother.

These words I heard from my husband on the evening we made the sweetest discovery… of our little baby’s life, slowly growing inside me. Those first weeks were something of a surreal wonder at the miracle of Creation, but there was also a vague, hardly distinguishable anxiety. The enormous gift we had been entrusted with at the same time appeared so fragile and uncertain. And yet we knew beyond doubt that our child’s life had begun, a new soul had been fashioned, from then on to exist eternally. As we navigated through those first weeks, cherishing the sweet secret, I could not believe my blessing but also feared losing it any time. Yet that simple affirmation, that my path as a mother had already begun, filled me with great hope and trust.

I oscillated between uneasiness and eagerness as we drew closer to the date of our first scan. Until then somewhere at the back of my mind I probably wondered if I hadn’t made it all up. Even though deep in my heart I felt an irreversible shift. I had entered into motherhood. And that hidden knowledge I had for weeks became obvious within an instant – when the little creature suddenly popped up on the ultrasound screen. That was when the first tears of motherhood pearled in my eyes.

Over the past months, I’ve been sinking deeply into this novel reality. Even having dreamed of it for as long as I can remember, the experience of being a mother is nowhere near anything I could ever have imagined. After feeling baby girl’s kicks for the first time, I was constantly waiting for them to come back. Because from the moment I first sensed her movements, I could not forget for a second that she was with me wherever I went… As obvious as it sounds, feeling the reality with your senses brings a whole new flavor.

I am already incredibly proud of our daughter, for all her little kicks which keep reminding me of her BEING. I know that as she grows older, unavoidably greater expectations will arise, even if not voiced out loud. Today I pray that however her life journey pans out, the unconditional love now filling my heart will remain between us always.

The blossoms of May are to me always intertwined with the beautiful image of our Blessed Lady. Through her we celebrate the greatest masterpiece of the heart of God, that is the heart of a mother. Love for Mary only helps amplify love for our mom on earth. The entire month can be a celebration of motherhood, not only on Mother’s Day. And from this year onwards, an incredible honor has been laid before me. I can be counted among those women entrusted with the care of a new soul. Perhaps now my role is relatively easy compared to what comes in the years ahead. But it does not make me any less of a mother. Less experienced, definitely, but still a mother. The journey began from the time her wonderful life was conceived. And never will this truth be altered.

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